tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-48262201201864757792024-03-05T11:10:47.138-08:00Ask PorkchopDena Rosenberryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06478372114618065938noreply@blogger.comBlogger280125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4826220120186475779.post-40459726724344641912008-11-24T08:19:00.000-08:002008-11-24T08:21:11.681-08:00Moved.Ask Porkchop has finally followed the rest of The Gazette's blogs to an in-house blogging system. So, its new address is <a href="http://askporkchop.freedomblogging.com/">http://askporkchop.freedomblogging.com</a>.<br /><br />Were you expecting a joke or something?Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4826220120186475779.post-63504091008112904142008-09-24T09:44:00.000-07:002008-09-24T09:47:21.041-07:00Funny? Sad? Yes.SUBJECT: REQUEST FOR URGENT BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP<br /><br />DEAR AMERICAN:<br /><br />I NEED TO ASK YOU TO SUPPORT AN URGENT SECRET BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP WITH A TRANSFER OF FUNDS OF GREAT MAGNITUDE.<br /><br />I AM MINISTRY OF THE TREASURY OF THE REPUBLIC OF AMERICA. MY COUNTRY HAS HAD CRISIS THAT HAS CAUSED THE NEED FOR LARGE TRANSFER OF FUNDS OF 800 BILLION DOLLARS US. IF YOU WOULD ASSIST ME IN THIS TRANSFER, IT WOULD BE MOST PROFITABLE TO YOU.<br /><br />I AM WORKING WITH MR. PHIL GRAM, LOBBYIST FOR UBS, WHO WILL BE MY REPLACEMENT AS MINISTRY OF THE TREASURY IN JANUARY. AS A SENATOR, YOU MAY KNOW HIM AS THE LEADER OF THE AMERICAN BANKING DEREGULATION MOVEMENT IN THE 1990S. THIS TRANSACTIN IS 100% SAFE.<br /><br />THIS IS A MATTER OF GREAT URGENCY. WE NEED A BLANK CHECK. WE NEED THE FUNDS AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE. WE CANNOT DIRECTLY TRANSFER THESE FUNDS IN THE NAMES OF OUR CLOSE FRIENDS BECAUSE WE ARE CONSTANTLY UNDER SURVEILLANCE. MY FAMILY LAWYER ADVISED ME THAT I SHOULD LOOK FOR A RELIABLE AND TRUSTWORTHY PERSON WHO WILL ACT AS A NEXT OF KIN SO THE FUNDS CAN BE TRANSFERRED.<br /><br />PLEASE REPLY WITH ALL OF YOUR BANK ACCOUNT, IRA AND COLLEGE FUND ACCOUNT NUMBERS AND THOSE OF YOUR CHILDREN AND GRANDCHILDREN TO WALLSTREETBAILOUT@TREASURY.GOV SO THAT WE MAY TRANSFER YOUR COMMISSION FOR THIS TRANSACTION. AFTER I RECEIVE THAT INFORMATION, I WILL RESPOND WITH DETAILED INFORMATION ABOUT SAFEGUARDS THAT WILL BE USED TO PROTECT THE FUNDS.<br /><br />YOURS FAITHFULLY MINISTER OF TREASURY PAULSONUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4826220120186475779.post-9890249015437021482008-09-16T15:33:00.001-07:002008-09-16T15:55:40.580-07:00Gettin' my boson<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_LlpLwoYqtGQ/SNA5R4eyElI/AAAAAAAAAZc/jSr63FF2ugM/s1600-h/sarlaac.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5246756545268683346" style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_LlpLwoYqtGQ/SNA5R4eyElI/AAAAAAAAAZc/jSr63FF2ugM/s320/sarlaac.jpg" border="0" /></a> <div><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_LlpLwoYqtGQ/SNA4VmZxJFI/AAAAAAAAAZU/ncBPbexR8a8/s1600-h/sarlaac.jpg"></a>Is it yet passe to comment on the Large Hadron Collider? Probably. But it's still a really weird and fascinating thing, so too bad.<br /><div></div><br /><div>The UK's Telegraph <a href="http://www.telegraph.co.uk/earth/main.jhtml?xml=/earth/2008/09/12/scicern112.xml">reported over the weekend</a> that the scientists are soliciting catchier names for the 17-mile-long device, which rams subatomic particles into each other <em>really fast</em>, and almost certainly won't cause the earth to be swallowed by an accidental black hole.</div><div></div><br /><div>The Telegraph's commenters came up with some decidedly snappy ideas:</div><br /><div></div><ul><li>Mr. Smashy Pants</li><li>The Big Banger</li><li>The One Ring</li><li>Kabloomitron</li><li>Colliderscope</li><li>The Rectumizer</li></ul><div></div><div>At least a dozen of the cheeky blighters thought they were the first to notice the hilarity that would ensue if you transposed a couple of letters in "hadron." Wrong! Evidently that honor goes to a <a href="http://www.largehardoncollider.com/nyt_lhc.html">copy editor at the New York times</a>.</div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4826220120186475779.post-51312142230642048482008-09-16T15:27:00.000-07:002008-09-16T15:32:54.017-07:00Still tiny after all these years<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_LlpLwoYqtGQ/SNAzEFTD70I/AAAAAAAAAZM/eVwh8ETvZOk/s1600-h/smallest.bmp"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5246749711121248066" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_LlpLwoYqtGQ/SNAzEFTD70I/AAAAAAAAAZM/eVwh8ETvZOk/s400/smallest.bmp" border="0" /></a> <a href="http://gazetteaskporkchop.blogspot.com/2007/07/creep-you-out-friday-redux.html">Porkchop has reported before</a> on BBC's fixation on the world's smallest man. But whereas the last photo was creepy, this one is... well, it's still pretty much creepy. If they'd caught the little guy sneaking a peek, then we'd have something.<br /><div><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_LlpLwoYqtGQ/SNAy_QMGLdI/AAAAAAAAAZE/qms2fWGP5cg/s1600-h/smallest.bmp"></a><br /><br /><div></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4826220120186475779.post-86713041555437547162008-09-11T12:41:00.000-07:002008-09-11T12:55:08.449-07:00It's official!<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_LlpLwoYqtGQ/SMl18hETfgI/AAAAAAAAAY8/T5FHcvyUKO4/s1600-h/leann.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5244852923578678786" style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_LlpLwoYqtGQ/SMl18hETfgI/AAAAAAAAAY8/T5FHcvyUKO4/s200/leann.jpg" border="0" /></a> ...we have awful, awful taste in music. As a nation, I mean.<br /><div><div></div><br /><div>-----</div><div></div><br /><div><strong>`The Twist' is top song of Billboard Hot 100 era</strong></div><div>By NEKESA MUMBI MOODY, AP music writer</div><div></div><br /><div>How's this for a twist: Of all the No. 1 songs in the 50 years of the Billboard Hot 100 chart, Chubby Checker's "The Twist" ranks as the most popular single.<br /></div><br /><div>Elvis and the Beatles didn't even make the top five.<br /></div><br /><div>Santana's "Smooth," featuring Rob Thomas, is the No. 2 most popular, followed by Bobby Darin's "Mack the Knife," Leann Rimes' "How Do I Live" and "The Macarena" by Los Del Rio.</div><br /><div>The Beatles did make the top 10, coming it at No. 8 with "Hey Jude." But Olivia Newton-John's "Physical" and Debby Boone's "You Light Up My Life" are ahead of that hit.</div><div></div><br /><div>Rounding out the top 10: Mariah Carey's "We Belong Together" at No. 9 and Toni Braxton's "Un-break My Heart" at No. 10.</div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4826220120186475779.post-68854360826797326502008-09-11T08:43:00.000-07:002008-09-11T08:49:59.500-07:00Burn it! Burn it with fire!<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_LlpLwoYqtGQ/SMk9yYhZz1I/AAAAAAAAAYk/tTH-08BAy3E/s1600-h/gettypalin.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5244791176834961234" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_LlpLwoYqtGQ/SMk9yYhZz1I/AAAAAAAAAYk/tTH-08BAy3E/s400/gettypalin.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div>Getty Images shows us how Fairbanks, Alaska, consistently defends its title as The Creepiest Freaking Place On Earth.</div><div></div><br /><div>For only a few minutes, I thought this "realistic" Kirby would be the skeeviest thing I saw today:</div><br /><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_LlpLwoYqtGQ/SMk-A22TYPI/AAAAAAAAAYs/yodt4Ze5xQE/s1600-h/realkirby.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5244791425493852402" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_LlpLwoYqtGQ/SMk-A22TYPI/AAAAAAAAAYs/yodt4Ze5xQE/s400/realkirby.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div></div><div>Sadly, no.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4826220120186475779.post-89341234390988414832008-09-10T13:47:00.000-07:002008-09-10T13:52:38.407-07:00Robble robble.<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_LlpLwoYqtGQ/SMgzWtFZu-I/AAAAAAAAAYc/pK-wrjCrmWc/s1600-h/mccheese.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5244498231225334754" style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_LlpLwoYqtGQ/SMgzWtFZu-I/AAAAAAAAAYc/pK-wrjCrmWc/s320/mccheese.jpg" border="0" /></a> Today's most spectacularly gorge-raising headline: <div><div></div><br /><div><a href="http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/09/10/big.macs.record.ap/index.html?iref=mpstoryview"><strong>Man eats 23,000 Big Macs in 36 years</strong></a></div><div></div><br /><div>Yeah, I don't want to spoil the ending, but it turns out he might have a little bit of the ol' OCD.</div><div> </div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4826220120186475779.post-51654562442328624212008-09-09T09:25:00.000-07:002008-09-09T09:41:06.801-07:00Band name, anyone?<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_LlpLwoYqtGQ/SMalYheb-hI/AAAAAAAAAYM/NpoufSybJF0/s1600-h/mcfeely.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5244060656840997394" style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_LlpLwoYqtGQ/SMalYheb-hI/AAAAAAAAAYM/NpoufSybJF0/s320/mcfeely.jpg" border="0" /></a>Readers of the UK's <a href="http://www.thebookseller.com/">Bookseller magazine</a> voted the 1996 book "Greek Rural Postmen and their Cancellation Numbers" the <a href="http://www.thebookseller.com/news/66454-diagram-victory-for-greek-postmen.html">oddest title of the past 30 years</a>. Which is no mean feat, considering the competition - here are the winners of the annual prize for the past 10 years:<br /><div><div></div><br /><div><strong>1998</strong>: Development in Dairy Cow Breeding and Management: and New Opportunities to Widen the Uses of Straw</div><div><strong>1999</strong>: Weeds in a Changing World</div><div><strong>2000</strong>: High Performance Stiffened Structures </div><div><strong>2001</strong>: Butterworths Corporate Manslaughter Service </div><div><strong>2002</strong>: Living With Crazy Buttocks</div><div><strong>2003</strong>: The Big Book of Lesbian Horse Stories</div><div><strong>2004</strong>: Bombproof Your Horse</div><div><strong>2005</strong>: People Who Don't Know They're Dead: How They Attach Themselves to Unsuspecting Bystanders and What to Do About It</div><div><strong>2006</strong>: The Stray Shopping Carts of Eastern North America: A Guide to Field Identification</div><div><strong>2007</strong>: If You Want Closure In Your Relationship, Start With Your Legs</div><div></div><br /><div>In case you're curious just how intense the annual competitions are, behold these other 2006 nominees: "How Green Were the Nazis?", "D. Di Mascio’s Delicious Ice Cream: D. Di Mascio of Coventry: An Ice Cream Company of Repute, with an Interesting and Varied Fleet of Ice Cream Vans," "Tattooed Mountain Women and Spoon Boxes of Daghestan," "Proceedings of the Eighteenth International Seaweed Symposium," and "Better Never To Have Been: The Harm of Coming Into Existence."</div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4826220120186475779.post-5749793654078270952008-09-03T15:28:00.000-07:002008-09-03T15:32:49.259-07:00You, sir, are a poopypantsSure, the presidential campaign is heating up, but at least we can always count on the press to keep a level head, deliver important information, and present us occasionally with careful, considered and respectful opinions.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.realclearpolitics.com/"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5241925668546699410" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_LlpLwoYqtGQ/SL8Pn2S6YJI/AAAAAAAAAX8/Rx8he0ENFAw/s400/overstatement.bmp" border="0" /></a> I'm sorry, what were we talking about? Suddenly I got this odd feeling like I hate everyone.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4826220120186475779.post-6350686988261463442008-09-03T14:24:00.000-07:002008-09-03T14:28:34.118-07:00Fun with wire photos<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_LlpLwoYqtGQ/SL8BNWsoqmI/AAAAAAAAAXs/dFSWyYIWh24/s1600-h/obamamccain.bmp"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5241909820225268322" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_LlpLwoYqtGQ/SL8BNWsoqmI/AAAAAAAAAXs/dFSWyYIWh24/s400/obamamccain.bmp" border="0" /></a> Presidential nominees Barack Obama and John McCain shared a heated exchange today, after Obama, evidently by accident, stepped on McCain's foot.<br /><div></div><br /><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_LlpLwoYqtGQ/SL8BTeFhwYI/AAAAAAAAAX0/Z-n3z-3rsAY/s1600-h/mccainobama.bmp"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5241909925287936386" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_LlpLwoYqtGQ/SL8BTeFhwYI/AAAAAAAAAX0/Z-n3z-3rsAY/s400/mccainobama.bmp" border="0" /></a> The Arizona senator later apologized for overreacting, going so far as to kiss the cheek of his Democratic rival.<br /><div></div><br /><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_LlpLwoYqtGQ/SL8BDLBUa5I/AAAAAAAAAXk/CaKYbMGiX3w/s1600-h/obamaclinton.bmp"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5241909645292104594" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_LlpLwoYqtGQ/SL8BDLBUa5I/AAAAAAAAAXk/CaKYbMGiX3w/s400/obamaclinton.bmp" border="0" /></a>In a recurring theme of the campaign, supporters of Hillary Clinton (right, in a photo from earlier in the year) were offended by their candidate's apparent snub.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4826220120186475779.post-75516601254502313582008-09-02T10:01:00.000-07:002008-09-02T10:02:32.539-07:00The saddest news ever(CNN) -- Don LaFontaine, the voiceover king whose "In a world ..." phrase on movie trailers was much copied -- and much parodied -- has died, according to media reports. He was 68.<br /><br />LaFontaine died Monday at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles, California, according to ETOnline, "Entertainment Tonight's" Web site. He died from complications from pneumothorax, a collapsed lung that causes air to build in the pleural cavity, his agent, Vanessa Gilbert, told "ET."<br /><br />LaFontaine, who was born in Duluth, Minnesota, began as a voice actor in the mid-1960s while working as a recording engineer, according to his Web site. His strong, slightly gravelly voice was featured on trailers for thousands of films, including "The Godfather," "Fatal Attraction" and "Terminator 2: Judgment Day." For a time in the late '70s, LaFontaine was the official voice of Paramount Pictures.<br /><br />His favorite work was one he did for the 1980 film "The Elephant Man," he said in interviews, but whether the film was Oscar-caliber or a bomb waiting to blow, he handled every assignment equally.<br /><br />"My philosophy is that you have to really believe what you're reading, even if you think the film's a piece of junk," he told Swindle magazine. "Even the worst picture is someone's favorite film, and that someone is the fan I am always talking to."Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4826220120186475779.post-72019123334467755462008-08-28T13:43:00.000-07:002008-08-28T13:54:11.482-07:00The Knights Who Say (nomi-) Ni!<div align="center"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_LlpLwoYqtGQ/SLcPwBS8JtI/AAAAAAAAAWc/kPixKtLh3NM/s1600-h/biden-obama.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5239674009124873938" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_LlpLwoYqtGQ/SLcPwBS8JtI/AAAAAAAAAWc/kPixKtLh3NM/s400/biden-obama.jpg" border="0" /></a><em><center>Joe Biden (left) and Barack Obama practice for the three-legged race,</em> <div align="center"><em>which will determine the presidency in the event of an electoral college tie.</em></center></div><br /><br /><div align="left">Speaking of Obama (and who isn't?), apparently the final musical performer of the evening is Michael McDonald. The unassailably cool Democratic nominee, who could have chosen just about any musician in America to play him onto the stage, picked Michael Freaking McDonald.</div><br /><br />Don't get me wrong: seeing Michael McDonald on TV definitely makes me hungry for change. Just probably not the kind Obama had in mind. I hoped we had come farther than that in the 14 months since <a href="http://gazetteaskporkchop.blogspot.com/2007/06/her-heart-will-go-on.html">Celinegate</a>.<br /></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4826220120186475779.post-91340948620615552652008-08-27T08:19:00.001-07:002008-08-27T08:20:11.759-07:00Awkward seal tableau<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_LlpLwoYqtGQ/SLVwoLd9boI/AAAAAAAAAWM/BYIC-YHlpBk/s1600-h/seals.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5239217577090969218" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_LlpLwoYqtGQ/SLVwoLd9boI/AAAAAAAAAWM/BYIC-YHlpBk/s400/seals.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4826220120186475779.post-60081261426870229762008-08-26T15:10:00.000-07:002008-08-26T15:14:13.457-07:00Let's get dizzy<a href="http://www.feanor.net/z0r/shock/superZOOM.swf">The website you go to when you click here</a> is pretty much indescribable. And indescribably awesome. And it takes about 10 seconds to cycle through the whole thing. If you're sober. Why haven't you clicked yet?!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4826220120186475779.post-31268689892582180742008-08-25T14:57:00.000-07:002008-08-25T15:04:00.042-07:00Caramel hell-planetLast week Andy W. alerted me to the <a href="http://www.mcsweeneys.net/">McSweeney's</a> piece, <a href="http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2008/8/15burns.html">Selections from H.P. Lovecraft's Brief Tenure as a Whitman's Sampler Copywriter</a>. If the title alone didn't make you LOL, congratulations! You're not a geek. Anyway, here's a... uh, a sample:<br /><br /><br />-----<br /><div align="left"><strong>Caramel Chew</strong></div><div align="left"><strong><br /></strong>There is a dimension ruled by a blind caramel God-King who sits on a vast, cyclopean milk-chocolate throne while his mindless, gooey followers dance to the piping of crazed flutes. It is said that there are gateways in our world that lead to this caramel hell-planet. The delectable Caramel Chew may be one such portal.</div><div align="left">-----</div><br /><div align="left"></div><div align="left">It reminded me of this old favorite chestnut from <a href="http://www.stripcreator.com/">Stripcreator</a> (you'll probably have to click it to read it):</div><div align="left"></div><br /><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_LlpLwoYqtGQ/SLMrzZStfcI/AAAAAAAAAWE/TiHOPFzH2k4/s1600-h/rites.bmp"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5238578953524706754" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_LlpLwoYqtGQ/SLMrzZStfcI/AAAAAAAAAWE/TiHOPFzH2k4/s400/rites.bmp" border="0" /></a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4826220120186475779.post-18729028933948086822008-08-22T12:03:00.000-07:002008-08-22T12:09:14.246-07:00...or maybe it's pudding.<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_LlpLwoYqtGQ/SK8OwclThEI/AAAAAAAAAV8/dHj-I55iFSw/s1600-h/richardjohnson.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5237421117124346946" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_LlpLwoYqtGQ/SK8OwclThEI/AAAAAAAAAV8/dHj-I55iFSw/s400/richardjohnson.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div>Growing weary of waiting on tenterhooks for The Announcement, I cruised over to Time's list of the <a href="http://www.time.com/time/specials/packages/0,28757,1834600,00.html">13 worst vice presidents</a> - and yes, Cheney's on there, thus confirming the media's liberal bias. Anyway, I learned that history is funny. Even when Ross Perot isn't in it. Check out this fact about Van Buren's #2, Richard M. Johnson:</div><div></div><br /><div>-----</div><div></div><br /><div>"While in office, he proposed an expedition to the North Pole so Americans could drill to the center of the Earth, believing the planet was hollow (his resolution was defeated). Evidently van Buren's experience with Johnson soured him on vice presidents altogether — when he ran for re-election he dropped Johnson from his ticket and didn't bother replacing him. Instead, he ran alone."</div><div></div><br /><div>-----</div><br /><div></div><div>At least, of course, he didn't <a href="http://www.time.com/time/specials/packages/article/0,28804,1834600_1834604_1834608,00.html">murder the guy on the $10 bill</a>.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4826220120186475779.post-78626904873973355522008-08-21T15:33:00.000-07:002008-08-21T15:42:19.432-07:00Let's see you do this, Phelps*<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_LlpLwoYqtGQ/SK3t6A7ML8I/AAAAAAAAAV0/5kueF6D9Krk/s1600-h/tiger.bmp"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5237103522638213058" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_LlpLwoYqtGQ/SK3t6A7ML8I/AAAAAAAAAV0/5kueF6D9Krk/s400/tiger.bmp" border="0" /></a><br />"About a year ago a YouTube poster uploaded a video of a glitch in Tiger Woods 08. He was able to get Tiger to stand on top of a lake and drive the ball into the hole. In response, EA just came out with this viral video to show that what the poster had claimed, is indeed true in real life."<br /><br />That's how Kotaku describes this <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4TIzRkk6Q2s">totally rad commercial</a> for Tiger Woods PGA Tour 2009, available this fall for every system known to man (except, of course, my Super Nintendo).<br /><br />*Just because Porkchop is a bit late to Everyone Talk About Phelps All The Time Week doesn't mean we can't play catchup, dammit.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4826220120186475779.post-51145227631988741842008-08-21T15:20:00.000-07:002008-08-21T15:26:19.124-07:00Fail, indeed<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_LlpLwoYqtGQ/SK3rZgehX_I/AAAAAAAAAVs/YT6fw3z0_Rg/s1600-h/drainage.bmp"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5237100765148962802" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_LlpLwoYqtGQ/SK3rZgehX_I/AAAAAAAAAVs/YT6fw3z0_Rg/s400/drainage.bmp" border="0" /></a><br /><div>I've been remiss in not mentioning <a href="http://failblog.org/">Failblog</a> (from the folks who brought us <a href="http://icanhascheezburger.com/">ICHC</a>), which I've added to my rotation of blogs to check regularly. A lot of the stuff is old and repurposed, but it's almost all irresponsibly hilarious.</div><div> </div><div><a href="http://failblog.org/2008/08/21/drainage-fail/">The post that picture came from</a> isn't so much funny as scary, though it certainly counts as an epic fail. Bonus: Watch until after 1:10, when the dude gets out to inspect the hole.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4826220120186475779.post-54045712773295409242008-08-21T12:58:00.000-07:002008-08-21T13:14:33.750-07:00Arf, arf, arf.<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_LlpLwoYqtGQ/SK3LvrxmgGI/AAAAAAAAAVc/2TTC2k7uc8s/s1600-h/polo.bmp"></a><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_LlpLwoYqtGQ/SK3JjMOO6fI/AAAAAAAAAVU/a1uO-9OYBAs/s1600-h/phelps+seaworld.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5237063548115282418" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_LlpLwoYqtGQ/SK3JjMOO6fI/AAAAAAAAAVU/a1uO-9OYBAs/s400/phelps+seaworld.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><a href="http://www.theonion.com/content/news/michael_phelps_returns_to_his_tank"><span style="font-size:130%;">Michael Phelps returns to his tank at Sea World</span></a><br /><div><br /><div>A funny, if perfunctory, Onion story in the classic pile-on-the-jokes style - because God forbid anyone should be successful in a sport.</div><br /><div></div><div>Oh - and what's that you ask? You would like to see an unrelated Gazette photo that I doctored in MS Paint a year and a half ago and rediscovered just now because of its alphabetical approximation to "Phelps"? Well, OK!</div><br /><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_LlpLwoYqtGQ/SK3MAVlVwuI/AAAAAAAAAVk/bRaBAD5RQIA/s1600-h/polo.bmp"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5237066247867581154" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_LlpLwoYqtGQ/SK3MAVlVwuI/AAAAAAAAAVk/bRaBAD5RQIA/s400/polo.bmp" border="0" /></a></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4826220120186475779.post-41804377592107980812008-08-13T14:51:00.000-07:002008-08-13T15:00:16.211-07:00The Olympics story I'd like to readYes, Michael Phelps may now wear more gold around his neck than Mark Spitz, but the world record holder, who is quite safe, has yet to be mentioned in all the press I've read:<br /><br /><br /><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_LlpLwoYqtGQ/SKNX1iKC3yI/AAAAAAAAAVM/MDQHVOp52is/s1600-h/MrT.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5234123769148268322" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_LlpLwoYqtGQ/SKNX1iKC3yI/AAAAAAAAAVM/MDQHVOp52is/s400/MrT.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br />I pity the journalistic fool who doesn't give Mr. T his propers.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4826220120186475779.post-79466115915343202352008-08-08T08:20:00.000-07:002008-08-08T08:22:57.812-07:00Dog mistakes tree for other tree<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_LlpLwoYqtGQ/SJxkRurtYKI/AAAAAAAAAVE/N1R05mKYkf4/s1600-h/swingvote.bmp"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5232167122849587362" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_LlpLwoYqtGQ/SJxkRurtYKI/AAAAAAAAAVE/N1R05mKYkf4/s400/swingvote.bmp" border="0" /></a>The makers of "Swing Vote" quickly agreed to an arrangement whereby Blakeman would receive 10 percent of the movie's profits. As a result, Blakeman now owes them $2 million.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4826220120186475779.post-39877262561213595952008-08-05T12:32:00.000-07:002008-08-05T12:33:51.751-07:00Oh, it's on.<center><a href="http://www.oneplusyou.com/bb/view2/countries" style="display: block; background: #333 url('http://www.oneplusyou.com/bb/img/countries/badge.jpg') no-repeat; width: 320px; height: 90px; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 35px; color: #fff; text-decoration: none; text-align: center; padding-top: 110px; ">108</a></center>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4826220120186475779.post-83350512459882474672008-07-30T15:30:00.000-07:002008-07-30T15:37:30.125-07:00As promised...<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_LlpLwoYqtGQ/SJDs-jqqskI/AAAAAAAAAU8/aDJNtR_I1hA/s1600-h/inthehole.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5228939726847390274" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_LlpLwoYqtGQ/SJDs-jqqskI/AAAAAAAAAU8/aDJNtR_I1hA/s400/inthehole.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div><div>...luchador goodness. At the risk of blowing my own (air) horn, <em>damn</em> that's hot.</div><div></div><br /><div>What I didn't promise, because I didn't yet know about it, was <a href="http://www.gazette.com/video/index.php?bcpid=1155184276&bclid=1155139274&bctid=1701249383">this video</a> featuring Bill and me. I'm the big quiet one.</div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4826220120186475779.post-30613256649333101372008-07-30T11:25:00.000-07:002008-07-30T11:32:53.658-07:00Vive le resistance!<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_LlpLwoYqtGQ/SJCyK1KkHzI/AAAAAAAAAUs/-WDtBH924Iw/s1600-h/themario.bmp"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5228875066516971314" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_LlpLwoYqtGQ/SJCyK1KkHzI/AAAAAAAAAUs/-WDtBH924Iw/s400/themario.bmp" border="0" /></a> As the proud new owner of a Super Nintendo, I couldn't not pass on <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1824771">this video</a> from <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/">College Humor</a>, about the limitations of Mario villains.<br /><br /><div></div><div>As someone who's been playing Mario 3 for the last week, I don't necessarily agree with their conclusion. If the baddies were intelligent, that game would be practically impossible. Dag!</div><div></div><div> </div><div>ps. This year's college freshmen were born in 1990, one year before the SNES. Which means you're old, is I guess what I'm saying.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4826220120186475779.post-14440725131470752892008-07-29T09:59:00.000-07:002008-07-29T10:05:49.804-07:00Regrettable<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_LlpLwoYqtGQ/SI9Nyu_mIWI/AAAAAAAAAUk/eSOVVb7hvo0/s1600-h/regrettable.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5228483226404004194" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_LlpLwoYqtGQ/SI9Nyu_mIWI/AAAAAAAAAUk/eSOVVb7hvo0/s400/regrettable.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div>I was just revisiting an old (<em>old</em>) favorite, the <a href="http://www.lileks.com/institute/gallery/">Gallery of Regrettable Food</a>, which produced the marvel above. Worth spending a bit of time with - there's a lot of hilarious stuff there.</div><br /><div></div><div>In other news, in today's Gazette you can read <a href="http://daily.gazette.com/Default/Scripting/ArticleWin.asp?From=Search&Key=TheGazette/2008/07/29/25/Ar02501.xml&CollName=Gazette_Archive&DOCID=959069&Keyword=%28backtpack%7E%29&skin=GazetteA&ViewMode=HTML">my review</a> of a useful but spastic-looking shlepping tool, and tomorrow you can see me in a <a href="http://www.elsalvador.com/vertice/2005/210805/fotos/luchador.JPG">luchador</a> mask, in some very prominent location (quite possibly A1). I'm quickly becoming the paper's go-to guy for shamelessness.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0