Aerohero?!

Kotaku announced Activision's announcement of the next thing your adolescent kids will want: Guitar Hero: Aerosmith.
Wait a sec. I don't think anyone has ever put "Aerosmith" and "adolescent kids" in the same sentence before. But whatever. There are many other obvious problems with the press release.

(1) "Gamers will experience Aerosmith's GRAMMY® winning career, from their first gig to becoming rock royalty, in a way that no other entertainment vehicle offers."

Uh, shouldn't we start the story in about 1987, after everyone stopped snorting every finely-ground substance they could get their hands on?

(2) "Steven Tyler says, 'Any band that can go from "Don't Want to Miss A Thing" (Aerosmith's #1 smash hit)..."

Really, Steven? That's what you're leading your pitch with? The song from the quintessential badly overblown '90s "event movie"?

(3) Tyler again: "Not only is songwriting a bitch, but then it goes and has puppies."

Um, what?

(4) Head of publishing Dusty Welch: "This partnership will give Aerosmith, a band that has sold more than 150 million albums worldwide, a powerful and innovative platform to reach their fans and new audiences."

Porkchop's translation: "This partnership will give Aerosmith gigantic bags of money, and get our company very little in return, because most of the market for Guitar Hero is made up of adolescents who have never heard of Aerosmith or, if they have, are creeped out by them."

Maybe I'm wrong - hell, I'll probably rent it at least - but this sure sounds like a big scarf-covered train wreck. Unless there's some kind of Alicia Silverstone mode (please, Activision?)

We want Saget! We want Saget!

Furthering the spirit of the Hallmark holiday, a couple of e-cards from NBC, which may be feeling some extra brotherly love this week. Click the pictures if you really want to send one:




If I were you, I wouldn't send the "Office" one to a rabid fan of the show. She'll want to know why you couldn't send her an e-card that's up-to-date. Or, you know, flowers.

Nothing says "I Love You" quite like this

Apparently this is the height of Valentine's Day madness:

FART SMART
Introducing Subtle Butt ™ - Disposable Shields That Neutralize Odor Caused By (Gasp!) Flatulence

You can't make up stuff like this:
"In this politically correct day and age, farting is still a major no-no for both men and women, alike. Now, thanks to the geniuses behind Garment Guard, the disposable, self-adhesive discs that prevent underarm stains, you can fart smart!"

They're selling squares of fabric made of activated carbon that you place inside your underwear or pants with two self-adhesive strips. The activated carbon is supposed to filter your flatulence.

According to the company: "Now you can eat all of the beans and burritos you want and still have a social life."

5-pack for $9.95 - available in March

Happy VD!

Because we love you that much, here's a cornucopia of BBC Pics of the Day, with twice the normal cutlines. Call us later, k?

Rinspeed added, "Ha ha, every adult male in the entire world. We just got your life savings."

Or, "A Beijing man looked up today just in time to foresee his death by falling mannequin."

In neighboring Micronesia, where heart surgery is illegal, locals turned out in droves for the annual Triple Whopper With Cheese Festival.

More stories like this, please

'Jesus' cosmetic row in Singapore

A leading retailer in Singapore has withdrawn a cosmetics range with a Jesus theme after complaints from local Roman Catholics, local media report.

The range, named Lookin' Good for Jesus, was on sale at three Topshop outlets in the Asian city state.

Catholics complained the cosmetics' marketing was disrespectful, full of sexual innuendo and trivialised Christianity.

About 15% of Singapore's 4.4 million population is Christian.

The products included a "Virtuous vanilla" lip balm and a "Get Tight with Christ" hand and body cream, featuring a picture of Christ flanked by two adoring women.
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Click the headline for the full story from BBC, and a picture. How can you not?

Something's fishy in Sweden

From Porkchop pal, Paul:

this UPI news item

MOTALA, Sweden -- A Swedish man was awakened Thursday by an open can of pungent fermented herring tossed through his bedroom window by an unknown assailant, The Local said.

Police in Motala were looking into the matter, which didn't hurt anyone but left the victim's home in need of an extensive mid-winter airing out.

The Stockholm newspaper said investigators had an idea who was behind the "herring grenade" attack, which was classified as a property damage crime.

(OK, this photo doesn't show canned herring. I couldn't resist the far of Abba herring pickled with onions.)

Herring grenades - have we tried those in Iraq?

Thanks, Paul!

Too much FreeTime

Today EA has new promotional material up for the Sims 2 expansion pack "FreeTime." It includes a video of sim-Natasha Bedingfield singing a song in Simlish, the Sims' distinctive gibberish language. Some notes:

1) The Sims are still creepy.
2) Simlish is kinda fun to listen to after all these years.
3) Simtasha is hotter than regular Natasha.
1b) Hot Sims are creepier still.