Moving on the wire today

Excerpts from a story on gazette.com, along with a tiny fraction of the possible punchlines:

WICHITA, Kan. (AP) -- Authorities are considering charges in the bizarre case of a woman who sat on her boyfriend's toilet for two years - so long that her body was stuck to the seat by the time the boyfriend finally called police.

(1) I hope she had a really good, really long book.
(2) I hope he had another bathroom in the house.
(3) I hope she courtesy-flushed at least every month or two.

(The boyfriend) told investigators he brought his girlfriend food and water, and asked her every day to come out of the bathroom.

"And her reply would be, 'Maybe tomorrow,'" (Sheriff Bryan) Whipple said.

(4) I wonder if he ever considered having a slot installed on the door, jail-style.
(5) Fool me 729 times, shame on me.

"It really doesn't surprise me," (neighbor James) Ellis said. "What surprises me is somebody wasn't called in a bit earlier."

(6) With his ability to remain unfazed by pretty much anything, and his gift for measured understatement, James Ellis should be a campaign adviser. Or perhaps a candidate himself.