OK, so domestic violence is never funny, but sometimes it gets damned close. Consider this story:
Vanilla Ice was held without bond Friday following his arrest on a charge of simple domestic battery after an alleged argument with his wife at their South Florida home.
The 39-year-old rapper's wife called the Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office on Thursday night, saying he had kicked and hit her. She later told deputies he had only pushed her, the arrest report said.
The report said Vanilla Ice denied pushing her.
What nearly pushes this over the top into the "funny" category? The reporter's insistence on referring to the accused by his stage name. Also, the opportunity it affords us to wonder what kind of person would marry Vanilla Ice (answer: her name is Laura, and they have two kids named Dusti Rain and Keelee Breeze, which is fantastic).
But the moral of the story is simple: if you want to keep your marriage violence-free, you must remember to stop, collaborate and listen. Good night everybody!