Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Monday, April 21, 2008
Clinton, Obama and McCain on WWE's `Monday Night Raw'
Monday, April 21, 2008 4:42:11 PM
By DERRIK J. LANG
A smackdown among presidential candidates?
Barack Obama, Hillary Rodham Clinton and John McCain will appear on World Wrestling Entertainment's live "Monday Night Raw" (8-11 p.m. EST on cable's USA network) but instead of smacking each other down, they separately will deliver some wrestling-themed stumping in taped messages before Tuesday's Pennsylvania primary.
"Tonight, in honor of the WWE, you can call me Hillrod," Clinton says in her message. "This election is starting to feel a lot like `King of the Ring.' The only difference? The last man standing may just be a woman."
Obama borrows The Rock's famous catchphrase during his appearance.
"To the special interests who've been setting the agenda in Washington for too long and to all the forces of division and distraction that has stopped us from making progress, for the American people, I've got one question: Do you smell what Barack is cooking?" Obama says before flashing a smile.
McCain, meanwhile, looked to Hulkamania for inspiration for his message.
"Looks like Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama want to celebrate their differences in the ring," McCain says. "Well, that's fine with me, but let me tell you: If you want to be the man, you have to beat the man. Come November, it'll be game over. And whatcha gonna do when John McCain and all his McCainiacs run wild on you?"
The candidate appearances will be used to promote "Smackdown Your Vote!" -- the WWE's voter registration drive.
Monday, April 14, 2008
Boy killer loses appeal
Yeah. I used to like that boy killer, until he totally sold out. Just for fun, let's try some different punctuation:
"Boy-killer loses appeal." Well yeah, watching him kill boys would get old.
"Boy, killer loses appeal." Does he ever! I can hardly stand to look at him now.
"Boy/killer loses appeal." I grow weary of this mild-mannered young man by day, cold-hearted murderer by night.
"Boy killer loses. Appeal?" The game-over screen on a defense attorney video game.
Friday, April 11, 2008
Vanilla Ice was held without bond Friday following his arrest on a charge of simple domestic battery after an alleged argument with his wife at their South Florida home.
The 39-year-old rapper's wife called the Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office on Thursday night, saying he had kicked and hit her. She later told deputies he had only pushed her, the arrest report said.
The report said Vanilla Ice denied pushing her.
What nearly pushes this over the top into the "funny" category? The reporter's insistence on referring to the accused by his stage name. Also, the opportunity it affords us to wonder what kind of person would marry Vanilla Ice (answer: her name is Laura, and they have two kids named Dusti Rain and Keelee Breeze, which is fantastic).
But the moral of the story is simple: if you want to keep your marriage violence-free, you must remember to stop, collaborate and listen. Good night everybody!
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Toby Keith Joins Wayman Tisdale on Barry White Remake
To reinforce this sign of the apocalypse, some visual aids:
OK, so they can all be referred to in some sense as "musicians," so they have that in common, but I guess what I'm getting at is that only one of the three has been on television saying "This truck is the big dog daddy." And it wasn't Barry White. Or Wayman Tisdale.
It was Toby Keith, is what I'm saying.
Friday, April 4, 2008
Thursday, April 3, 2008
My new goal: to get famous enough to do that and have it be funny.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Lord of the Rings Online: Battle of Amon Hen
D20 punks the Gazette
Super Pii Pii Brothers
Virgin and Google team up to colonize Mars
YouTube rickrolls absolutely everyone
Microsoft unveils new XBox accessories we'd actually love to have
Collegehumor.com bought by 17-year-old
GMail introduces custom time stamps
- Jennifer Capriati
- Perry Farrell
- Eric Idle
- The Knights of Columbus
- Christopher Lambert
- Lucy Lawless
- Elle MacPherson
- John Popper
- The Royal Albert Hall
- Amy Sedaris
- Sam Walton
- Wrestlemania III
- Cy Young