Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Harry Potter and the Excruciating Wait

Dear Porkchop:
With the release of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows so close, why are you being silent on the matter? Does all the other weird stuff you write about require you to live under a rock or something?

Dear Reader:
No. It's just that the anticipation is making me sweaty and nauseated, and my doctor says I should stop thinking about the book. But if you must have some HP-related esoterica, I suppose my health is of no importance - so I trolled Amazon for the most bizarre toys I could find (for those keeping track at home, there are 490 hits in the "Toys & Games" section. I hope you're happy.

Pictured above is the plush Monster Book of Monsters, which can be yours for $18.95. It's especially awesome because one of the bullet points under "Product Features" is "Stroke the binding and it will open right up, but try and force it open and it just may attack!" - presumably not a feature of the actual cuddly plaything.

Also available is a Deluxe Sorting Hat, perfect for pretending repeatedly that you're being herded into Gryffindor (really, people, there are three other houses). Or you could get a Harry Potter Lantern, if you'd rather pretend that... um... you've forgotten the lumos spell.

One thing that I might actually get if it wasn't $50 is the Triwizard Cup. I can only imagine the hours of fun... uh, clutching the body of a dead young acquaintance while pulling the Cup toward me with a string because I'm not really a wizard.

Can we get the freaking book already? I'm starting to feel faint again.

1 comment:

Dena Rosenberry said...

Hey, I have a HP lantern. It has been a spark of light on many a dark Manitou night, my friend.