Friday, February 15, 2008
Kotaku announced Activision's announcement of the next thing your adolescent kids will want: Guitar Hero: Aerosmith.
Wait a sec. I don't think anyone has ever put "Aerosmith" and "adolescent kids" in the same sentence before. But whatever. There are many other obvious problems with the press release.
(1) "Gamers will experience Aerosmith's GRAMMY® winning career, from their first gig to becoming rock royalty, in a way that no other entertainment vehicle offers."
Uh, shouldn't we start the story in about 1987, after everyone stopped snorting every finely-ground substance they could get their hands on?
(2) "Steven Tyler says, 'Any band that can go from "Don't Want to Miss A Thing" (Aerosmith's #1 smash hit)..."
Really, Steven? That's what you're leading your pitch with? The song from the quintessential badly overblown '90s "event movie"?
(3) Tyler again: "Not only is songwriting a bitch, but then it goes and has puppies."
(4) Head of publishing Dusty Welch: "This partnership will give Aerosmith, a band that has sold more than 150 million albums worldwide, a powerful and innovative platform to reach their fans and new audiences."
Porkchop's translation: "This partnership will give Aerosmith gigantic bags of money, and get our company very little in return, because most of the market for Guitar Hero is made up of adolescents who have never heard of Aerosmith or, if they have, are creeped out by them."
Maybe I'm wrong - hell, I'll probably rent it at least - but this sure sounds like a big scarf-covered train wreck. Unless there's some kind of Alicia Silverstone mode (please, Activision?)